theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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