dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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