Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize