It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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