I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
