I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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