i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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