I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
