2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
