I am spending my child support on dildos
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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