You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
