do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
