So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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