I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
