i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
