He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
