Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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