I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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