i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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