He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
