I hate your face
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
