I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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