I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
