You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
