Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
