Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
