We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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