She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Green mimosas i think yes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
