you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
