Dual....:-)
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize