guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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