made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There r osticjed everywhere
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
