Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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