Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
