Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
