dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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