you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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