Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
