He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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