Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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