community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
