White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
