The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
