I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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