i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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