If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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