Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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