I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize