If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
