please come you make the beer taste better
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
