So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
