Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
