I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
