I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
