I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
