I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
