So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
