Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize