I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
