is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
