??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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