apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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