i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
