Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize