OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
