Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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