I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
