he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
