In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
