Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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