I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
