So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
