Cold hands, warm shart.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My liver just broke up with me...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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