Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
