I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
