I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
