I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
