I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
