Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
