i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
