Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
