been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
