Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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