He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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