Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
