I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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