I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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