Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she looked like the before picture.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
