Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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