I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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