Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
