All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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