Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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