It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
