in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
