just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
