My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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