You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
