As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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