Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you had me at cake vodka
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
