I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
