Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
