If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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