I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
